Category: it’s in the genes

So my very 1st issue officially hits the streets at the end of this week- WOO HOO!!

 
READ: Don’t walk, RUN to your local supermarket, magazine stand, wherever you can find it and cop a copy of the issue with Garcelle Beauvais on the cover IMMEDIATELY.
 
And please don’t think I put Garcelle on the cover just because she has flawless skin and a new show coming out. Eh, not so much. Actually, your girl landed an EXCLUSIVE! For the first time and ONLY in JET, she’s dishing on all the messy details from her recent divorce.
 
*brushes off shoulders*

So hurry up, cause I am DYING to know what you guys think!!
 
Oh and after you hit me back, log on to the JET website and enter to win a pair of kicks from the exclusive new Swizz Beatz/ Reebok Classic collection. HERE.
 
This is the very first giveaway JET has ever done. My goal is to make it a regular part of the issues. But you know how it goes- the higher the number of entrants, the bigger and more interesting the prizes will become down the road. *hint, hint*
 
On a more personal note, just finished up my very first holiday weekend in the new city…. Um yeah. Can’t really say I’m loving the temperamental Chicago weather. It was literally 50 degrees and pouring rain all day on Saturday and Sunday. Then I woke up to freaking 90 degree weather on Memorial Day Monday.
 
Ree-damn-diculous.
 
I did however manage to make the most of the one sunny day and attend my very first “Chi-Town BBQ.” (Mind you, I’ve been hearing about these infamous gathering of black people, good music and free food/ drink for as long as folks have known that I was moving to the city.) And I’m happy to report that it was def fun times to be had by all. Held out by Lake Michigan, there were at least 100 people at all times and the food, drink & eye candy were on point.
 
So three cheers for that- Hip, hip hooray! Hip,hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray!
 
Anyhoo, that’s about it for now. Gotta do a little bit of work before I go to sleep so I can be prepared to hit the ground running tomorrow. Have a great week party people!
 
xoxox
 
BTW, this ssue doesn’t “officially hit stands until next week. So Moment readers are actually getting a “sneak peak” before everybody else! Don’t say I never do anything for you.

So as you may have noticed, I’ve been a little M.I.A from the blog lately…. my bad. BUT as you may have heard by now, it was for a very, very, very good reason.


*clears throat and stands up to every inch of my five feet*

I am so excited to announce that after five WONDERFUL years of self-employment… (insert drum roll, flashing lights & smoke machine, please)

I have accepted the offer to join the Johnson Publishing family as the new Editor-In-Chief of JET Magazine!

*slight pause to allow all those who know how much I love working in my pajamas to recover from the shock*

Obviously, it was a huge decision that did not come easily for many reasons- all of them starting & ending with my love of my very blessed life in New York City.

*adjusts my lucky Yankees cap*

However, the opportunity to lead the change that’s going to re-energize & re-introduce such an iconic brand to new generations of readers was one that any journalist that loves her career as much as I do could not pass up. I am humbled to have been chosen for this important mission. And I look forward to rising to the challenge. (Oh and did I mention, the uber fabulous Desiree Rogers is my boss? BLANK STARE. Exaaactly.)

So naturally, I want to express my sincerest gratitude to each and everyone who has supported me and my career over the past 10 years. Whether you’ve been rocking with me since my insane Road Tripping days at HONEY, while I was pretending to be a ‘Privileged White Woman at JANE, spent the money and purchased one of my books or simply forward my blog posts every once in a while, your energy has helped me reach THIS moment.

Thank you, thank you, thank YOU.

It’s going to be an adventure. I certainly expect you to stick around for the ride.

So the headline on the article related to this god awful photo reads:


Kevin Federline Debuts Girlfriend’s Baby Bump

In light of what a filthy, tub of lard K-Fed has become, am I the only one who thinks it would’ve been damn near as accurate (and way funnier) to say:

Kevin Federline Debuts Baby Bump

*barely smothers a giggle*

I’m jussayin.

I admit it. I started following Charlie Sheen on Twitter this morning.


*hangs head in shame*

I know, I know, I’m totally enabling the crazy. But I have to tell you, the tomfoolery is just so damn entertaining. And I don’t care how great folks say his performances were in “Two and A Half Men” (’cause I have yet to watch a single episode), something tells me it hardly compares to the comedy that is now Charlie’s “tigersblood” and his “bi-winning.”

HEE-larious.

Oh but I can tell you who’s NOT winning this morning:
Bringham Young University basketball star, Brandon Davies.

Nope. Not one bit. Homeboy done got himself suspended for the rest of the season. Mmm-hmm…

According to the Salt Lake Tribune, despite being the team’s leading rebounder and third leading scorer, the forward was dismissed from the No. 3 Cougars for the rest of the season for breaking the school’s moral code when he-WAIT ON IT– admitted to engaging in sexual relations with his girlfriend.

As most of you know, BYU is a private university run by the Church of Jesus Christ and the Latter-day Saints. And them folk in Utah do not play that ish. At. All.

Apparently, the administration fully expects all its students to live up to the school’s Honor Code Statement which among other things includes abstaining from alcohol, coffee and living “a chaste and virtuous life.”
BLANK STARE w/ THREE LOONG BLINKS

Okay then… Ya’ll better stop playing the reindeer games with them Mormons.

*pours out a little holy water*

It never ceases to amaze me how different teenagers are these days from when I was growing up. Like seriously, the sense of entitlement these kids have is just… . BEYOND.

Case in point, this 19 year-old Mexican girl Estibalis Chaves who’s been staging a hunger strike in front of the British Embassy in Mexico City for the past 9 days so that she can receive an invitation to Kate & Prince William’s upcoming royal wedding.

DEAD FISH EYES

Talking about, “Are they going to let me die just because they wouldn’t give me an invitation to the royal wedding?”

HUH?? Is this some kind of sick joke so that she’ll land a reality show? Cause forreal, this can’t be life.

For weeks, hundreds of innocent people in the Middle East have been losing their limbs & lives in a fight for BASIC human rights. And this fool ass chick is killing her damn self over a private event that has absolutely nothing to do with her, her family or even her own country???

*sucks the back of teeth completely clean*

Man listen… Someone please order her a pine box RIGHT now.

So I realize that I’m SUPER late with this but guess what? I. Don’t Care. I’ve been under a deadline rock for the past week and a half.


This video of a kid who looks to be about 14 years old getting his behind WHOOPED by his Uncle for posting fake gangster nonsense, threats and inappropriate thug bullshit on his Facebook page gave me LIFE this morning.

And when I say, LIFE? I mean, I was literally shaking and crying from laughter for five minutes straight. This might be the only reason I make it through the next 4 days.

Lemme tell you, not because I think watching someone get humiliated is funny. No. Easy. I told ya’ll I’m trying to be a better person in 2011.

On the contrary, all I could think as I watched the kid scurry in a circle trying to avoid each smack without actually running away from his Uncle (cause the two worst thing you could do in that situation were run or grab the belt) was, O.M.G, I KNOW that belt!!! I was RAISED with that belt!! It landed on my legs, thighs and back more times than I care to remember!! And I for damn sure been in the same cowered position, apologizing for acting like I didn’t have any good goddamn sense. Believe that.

And why? Because my parents taught me better than that. And we don’t come from that shit!!

I thank GOD EVERY day there was no cameras around when I was growing up!!

*makes the sign of the cross, presses play and falls out again*

Shout out to all the people who were raised by someone that loved them enough to whip-not BEAT– them when they were getting bigger than their britches.

Oh Heidi, Heidi, Heidi… I know it’s hard to stay relevant in television these days. Especially when you’re a visibly aging weather girl for the weekend evening news report show.


(SIDEBAR:. I so didn’t even know there was a evening news broadcasts on the weekends! Who’s watching the news on a damn Saturday??)

But sweetie, filing false rape reports is not the way to way to do that sunshine.

Personally, I believe you should serve every last day of that year long jail sentence. Perhaps that will give you some time to think about all the ACTUAL rape victims whose REAL cases weren’t being investigated while the police went on this wild goose of yours.

DEAD FISH EYES

Oh and good luck with that job suspension… Seems like a shitty economy to be playing the reindeer games with your livelihood. Sure hope your attention-seeking ass saved up for a rainy day.

So naturally as soon my to-do list becomes longer than Kim Zolciak’s ratty hair extensions, I immediately try to find creative ways to procrastinate. And this morning’s tomfoolery of choice was purging my iTunes Library. Why? Well because every once in a while, a girl’s gotta delete some worthless Lloyd Banks nonsense to make room for some even more triflin’ Key$sha crap on her iPod.


Don’t judge me.

So anyhoo, in the midst of squandering precious periods of productivity, I came across an oldie-but-goodie that made me truly reflect on the type of music I’ve been shaking my behind to over the years: The Ying Yang Twins’ single, Wait (a.k.a. The Whisper Song).

Yo, was this craziness really a chart topping song? Forreal? Profanity-laced lyrics hoarsely whispered by two men who I wouldn’t want to shake hands with let alone “beat the pussy up”? SMH. I Can’t.

*swandives into the shallow end of the pool*

Oh and the worst part? As SOON as I pressed play my hips involuntarily started to twerk a lil’ something. Sigh. I hate myself.

Lord forgive us for our questionable musical taste. We know not what a dope beat will do. In the name of trashy hip-hop, stripper theme songs & the come-up of ugly men everywhere… Amen.

The internet never ceases to amaze me…


Case in point- I just found out about a social networking site called iVoyuer that’s describes itself as ‘the premier high-end social networking site for sexy swingers and curious sensualists’.

Uh-huh you read that correctly- curious sensualists.

According to Urban Daddy (the source of all things worth knowing in NYC), iVoyuer is “like Facebook for the Eyes Wide Shut crowd. So instead of reconnecting with your long-lost high school lab partner—though you never know—you’ll arrange for a night of sensual massage with a comely Danish couple in town for the weekend.”

Well, alrighty then.

Apparently, “you’ll start out with a questionnaire on the standard stuff—location, body type, safe word (“popcorn”)—before connecting to a database of singles and couples. From there, messages and friending work just like Facebook… but with better party pics.”

And wait on it… “every few months, the folks behind the site will throw a members-only bash, complete with masks, a secret location and things we can’t even talk about on the Internet.”

I can’t… But you should certainly feel free.

Check it out HERE.

Hola compadres!!!


Just a quick heads up that I’ll be taking the next week off to keep the official Double M 35th birthday bash going in Buenos Aries, Argentina!

Mmm-hmmm, beef, red wine & tango for everybody!!!

Until we speak again… Ciao chicas!

Contact

Name
Email
Message

Yay! Message sent.
Error! Please validate your fields.
Design by materialdsign.com