Category: supermarket dreams on a bodega budget

Random: Has anyone tried these Insanity workout DVDs?

Flipping through the channels over weekend and happened upon the crazy looking info-mercial. And I was INSTANTLY intrigued.

Cause the Lord knows, my relationship with the gym has recently become sketchy at best. I just can’t stand the smell, the machines are either occupied or broken and the person working out next to me ALWAYS seems to be coughing and sneezing. And is there anything worse than the sick person at the gym who’s trying to “sweat” out a cold but doing nothing more than infecting everyone around them?????

READ: I need another way to address the soft & squishy situation that’s happening on my tummy and thighs. IMMEDIATELY.

So tell me, is this just Tae Bo 2000 or does this nonsense really work?

Finally had a chance to check out Jay-Z’s new website/online magazine/media portal, Life And Times that launched on Monday.


Hmmm.

The promo vid is crazy. (see for yourself HERE)

Visually, the site is amazing. Like absolutely LOVE.

Content reads very much like a compilation of “All Things Jay-Z Likes (& You Can’t Afford).”

Which is um… yeah. LOL.

Interesting piece on boxer Andre Berto tho.

So err-um yeah… I gotta ask, exactly WHY are people beefing about the updated etiquette and food restrictions being imposed on New York City Health Department employees??


Because I for one, COMPLETELY agree.

For those who didn’t read the article, here are some of the changes that will be going into effect today:

-no eavesdropping btwn cubicles
-no overbearing perfumes
-no displays, photos or signs that may be considered offensive
-no “celebration” cake and cookies being served at the same time
-tap water is a must
-no drinks with more than 25 calories per 8oz servings
-cut muffins & bagels in half, or order mini-sizes
-ABSOLUTELY no fried foods

Personally, I think the real tragedy is that it’s necessary to TELL folks to act right and eat healthy when that’s what they do for a living. ALLEGEDLY.

*insert mean momma side-eye*

I mean honestly? No eavesdropping or fried food? It’s the freaking HEALTH DEPARTMENT. Call me crazy but of ALL the government agencies, they should be the LAST folks gossiping OR eating crappy food on taxpayers’ dimes.

*sucks back of the teeth HARD*

Man listen… Go talk ‘ish over that cup of red Kool-Aid during your regular off-site lunch break cause nobody needs it. At. All.

Oh shoot, according to my Mac dashboard, today’s temperatures are going to reach 62 degrees! WOO HOO! THANK YOU ST. PATRICK!


*back flips off the couch into a full split*

On a not so joyous note, just got the dreaded email notice from The New York Times. Apparently, they’ve finally decided to implement digital subscriptions for access to the website. *sad little nephew face* According to the notice, as of March 28th:

On NYTimes.com, you’ll be able to view 20 articles each month for free (including slide shows, videos and other features). After 20 articles, they’ll ask you to become a digital subscriber, with full access to the site.

On the smartphone and tablet apps, the Top News section will remain free of charge. For access to all other sections within, they’ll ask you to become a digital subscriber.

On the marginally brighter side, readers who come to Times articles through links from search, blogs and social media like Facebook and Twitter will be able to read those articles, even if they have reached their monthly reading limit. Although for some search engines, users will have a daily limit of free links to Times articles.

Le sigh.

We all knew it was coming but damn, damn, DAMN.

*shakes fist at the sky & starts searching for gold coins in between the couch cushions*

Dearest Baby Jesus,

I know I really shouldn’t enjoy this new Trina song as much as I do. Especially with tired ass T-Pain harmonizing in the background. But the beat is hot and the lyrics are HEE-larious. And well, the only other alternative at the moment is Willow Smith’s torturous ’21st Century Girl.’

BLANK STARE

Forgive me and all the women that will identify with the words of the song.

Amen.
Trina Ft. T-Pain-Ghetto by Freaknik

So Lady Gaga debuted the video for her latest single, “Born This Way” this morning.


Mmm… yeah. BLANK STARE

Granted, from what I heard from those who actually bothered to suffer through last night’s award show, it’s probably way more exciting than the Oscars. Howsoever, me no likely at all. Wait, I take that back. I actually do love the bra and panty set that she’s prancing around in but other than that… eh.

And you know, it’s not even the ridiculous rip-off of a Madonna song that bothers me the most (although it is pretty awful), I just really wish she would get a new choreographer. Watching Gaga jerk & jiggle her body around for over seven minutes wears me the hell out. And worse now that she’s wearing flat shoes.

*shrug*

I’m jussayin.

As if this weather isn’t bad enough, now we’ve got nuns in Brooklyn falsely accusing Black men of rape.


*sucks the back of my teeth CLEAN*

Apparently, Sister Mary Turcotte, who just so happens to be white, filed a false police report claiming she was attacked on the street last Thursday by a 6-foot-4, 250-pound black man.

The 26 year-old liar told detectives the assailant choked her, dragged her through the streets and left her unconscious in a snowbank with her underwear down and her breasts exposed. Mm-hmm, she was real detailed.

It was only after the manhunt kicked off, that the religious fraud caught a bad case of the guilts and admitted that she concocted the entire assault to cover up her sexual shenanigans with a bodega worker.

PAUSE.

The bodega worker? As opposed to the bodega OWNER?? READ: The random dude who stocks the diapers on the shelves in the back???

*nosedives in the shallow end of the pool*

You know what… all that using your hidden sexual fantasies of being dragged through the streets and left in a snowbank to get it in with homie from the bodega is doing way too much. For her sake, I hope Gold helps her figure out whats really going on in that screwed up mind, while her ass sits in a jail cell for a couple of years.

Scandalous trick.

Ok, while you’re playing, this Mayoral race in Chicago is DEAD SERIOUS.

O.M.G!

Shout out to my girl Leah, for putting me up on this news report from a recent candidate debate where former Senator Carol Moseley Braun goes all the way, and I do mean, ALLA WAY IN on a fellow candidate Patricia Van Pelt Watkins.


See, now if folks started telling the truth like this is NYC, Bloomberg’s shady ass wouldn’t even be in office right now. Real talk.

BLANK STARE w 3 LOONG BLINKS.

Lord forgive me but I cannot wait until Rahm Emmanuel has his turn at the mic.

*grabs the bowl of popcorn and pulls up a chair*

Wow, what a crazy three days!


On Friday, the Obama administration deleted the words ‘Mother’ and ‘Father’ from all official forms for the more politically correct titles, ‘Parent 1’ and ‘Parent 2,’ then the senseless massacre in Tucson, Arizona popped off and as of this morning it appears that after years of civil war the Sudanese are about to officially vote their country into two parts. CA-razy!

Oh but wait, wait, how could I forget? Foxy Brown released a snippet from what is supposed to be a diss-track against Lil’Kim, entitled, Christmas Massacre.

BLANK STARE

You know how grown-ups are constantly explaining to children that timing is everything? Well Fox, or may I call you Inga? Timing is EVERYTHING. And the level of ridiculousness that this lame, nonsensical, two-week late, uncalled for, attempt at a diss track has reached is simply BEYOND.

We are in the midst of national and international calamity and this is when you think it’s a good time to publicize the implied death threats and raggedy shots you attempted to take at another female rapper? Which for the record, is already two weeks late????

GIRL, BYE.

I’mma need you, that filthy looking lace front, and the Ampro gel shellacked baby hair to go pick up a newspaper, find a friend that can read it to you and quiet ya self.

Uuugh… Toni Braxton is seriously considering posing for a Playboy cover to raise funds to cover the $50 million dollar debt that she’s in???


BLANK STARE

Uh Toni? Forreal?

Not to be funny but, even someone with an accounting degree from Devry can figure out the measy couple of million dollars you’d receive-IF, and I do mean IF Hef is willing to pay washed-up, 43 year-old R&B singers two million dollars to get sorta nekkid (cause she talking only T&A, not complete nudity) ain’t gonna make nary a dent in that riduculous bankruptcy situation you got going on. AGAIN.

*rolls eyes all the way back in head*

Instead of calling Hef, your ass NEEDS to be stalking Babyface and begging him to write a song for you. Shooot….


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